Friend's Ruminations on Chocolate

I read this after I wrote the previous blog and had to post it here. It's a friend's writing and I think it is hysterical.
Cioccolata!
I love chocolate. Everyone says that, but I don't think they mean it like I do. My love resides more in the category of stalker-like obsession. I'm not talking about the stuff that has merely a hint of chocolate flavor, either; I require purity and strength! Milk chocolate adulterates the taste buds with sugar (though my worthy, chocolate-fiendish uncle once gave me a taste of German Christmas chocolate, which had delicious undertones of cardamom). Fie! fie! on anyone who eats the ignoble substance called white 'chocolate' -- what can such an unhappy predilection say about your character? I shudder to think of it. I'd rather eat vanilla! Actually, vanilla is quite nice if it's true vanilla rather than vanillin. (Look up vanillin in Wikipedia for further information.) Not as good as chocolate, though.My most recent chocolate love is an 82% cacao content Scharffen Berger. It's like a shot of pure heroin. Uh, I've never taken any illegal drugs, so I don't really know, but I like to think the experiences are similar. Other than mine being healthier and less likely to result in death and misery -- with the exceptions of those poor ancient Mexicans who were sacrificed to the goddesses of cocoa. That was really too bad. Hershey's Extra Dark classifies 'extra dark' as being 60% cacao. What? Their new line is not without its virtues, though. I'll eat it. Even the Whole Bean milk chocolate (a mere 35% cacao) is not terrible. At least, it's not like the Hershey products I grew up with.Have you ever had Mexican chocolate, laced with cinnamon and other spices? Wonderful stuff. Researches found an ancient Mayan teapot with chocolate in it that dates back 2600 years (see http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2002/07/0717_020717_TVchocolate.html). Theobromine, an alkaloid found in the cacao bean, means 'food of the gods'. Yes, I agree with that. It had better be part of the celestial package. Or maybe it was the Forbidden Fruit? It's worth thinking about -- a much better thing to lose your immortality to than a stupid apple. Could you imagine severing your direct connection with Heaven over one of those mushy Red Delicious I keep finding in grocery stores? Oh, Michelangelo. Had you but known.Chocolate even inspires reckless spending.Um, actually, reckless spending to me is spending $35 on the best baking chocolate in the known world when it's 50% off -- that's 60 oz of bittersweet Scharffen Berger for much less than you get that run of the mill stuff for. And then I decided to take it out of my cart. I'm going back to get it tomorrow, though. I might even clean the store out. It was shocking to see people walking past the aisle nonchalantly, as though this sale weren't the stuff of legend. It was more shocking to note that Safeway didn't banner this on the front page of their ad, nor mention it anywhere therein. One can only assume that they didn't feel it was enough to draw the masses in. More for me, I guess.