The De-Stress Manifesto

(Sorry but I didn't realize the picture on the first post I sent was a little questionable.) So my weight has been fluctuating up and down by about two pounds this month: sometimes the scale says I’ve lost two pounds for the month and sometimes I’m right back where I started when I recorded my weight at the beginning of the month. And, I’ve been STRESSING OUT over it.

I have 20 pounds left to lose and I think I’ve been putting pressure on myself to prove I can finish what I started, and not just finish, but finish right away. I’ve been mentally beating myself up because I look in the mirror and I see ‘almost there’ and I just want to be done. By the way, I don’t remember beating myself up so much when I had so much more to lose. When I gave myself the original December 31st 2010 deadline I did it to have a goal to work toward, knowing that I could fall short some, but that ultimately I wanted to work as hard as I could to get close to the goal. Lately, however, I’ve been issuing messages of mentally castigating ‘tough love’ to myself and I think my subconscious has been rebelling with self-sabotaging behavior, because I am not closer right now.

So here’s where I am right now: I still want to be 145 pounds, however, I’m going stop stressing over it so much. I’m still going to shoot for April 30th, but I’m going to treat this deadline like I did the first one—because tough love isn’t working for me. The first time around I said that if I got to December 31st 2010 and was still 10-20 pounds away, I was not going to worry; I would just keep working at it. So, if I get to April 30th and I’m still 5-8 pounds away, I’m still not going to get anxious. I can keep working at it and I’m not a failure—I’m still worthy to inhabit and breathe space with the rest of the world’s population. J

Another thing I realized is that I’ve stopped having fun exercising. When I trained for my half marathon it was fun to work toward a big goal and try to meet challenges along the way that helped me work toward the big goal. I need something to work toward. I need something to work on that I don’t think I can do right now. So, until I decide on a big exercise goal that I'm going to work on, I think I'm going to bribe myself with retail therapy. For every 5 days that I exercise I am going to let myself buy one item of clothing.

But most of all, I need to stop obsessing. Yes, I still have 20 and some change to lose, but I can get there, and just as the food on my plate is not going to go away and never come back again if I don’t eat all of it right now, there will still be time and opportunity to lose the 20+ pounds, even if I don’t drop them all by April 30th.  So, I think the most cogent point in my little journey down Self-Reflection Avenue is the realization that while I haven’t reached my final goal yet, that fact doesn’t have to negate the importance of what I have done so far.

Also, I’d like to start thinking about some things other than weight loss. I think my brain needs a break. Everyone around me probably needs a break from my weight loss. I’m going to try reading a book. I probably shouldn’t admit this, but other than Alice in Wonderland, which I read to my niece and nephew last summer, I haven’t read a book in almost a year. So, keeping in mind that I’ve developed mush brain from lack of textual stimulation, if you’ve got a recommendation for me (preferably something easy to allow the juices to work without too much trauma), throw it my way. The last good book that I really enjoyed was The Help. I couldn’t put it down. If you know of a page turner that you think is worth my time, let me know.