A Brand New Synonym...

So apparently, as I've often heard, the English language is always changing; it's flexible and susceptible to trends and vicissitudes that mimic current verbal norms. A few examples: I remember being told as a kid that, “Ain't, ain't a word,” you should never start a sentence with and, and a comma before the word and, used as a runner up at the end of a list, is unnecessary. But since imbibing this early verbal training and reverencing it as sacred editorial command, I’ve lived to see ain't listed in the dictionary, found and routinely headlining sentences in a large variety of text, and used writing curriculum that suggests commas in a list need not end with the word and. So I’d like to present to the world—and I hope this doesn’t seem vain or officious :) —an offering in the way of modern, verbal metamorphosis: a new synonym for the word ineffectual. Ready? Here it is—megeffectual. It denotes all that reeks of incompetence and ineptitude. Why, you ask? Oh, there's a story of course. Someday, generations from now, people will be talking about their major foul-ups, laughing about their latest megeffectual act and someone will pause and wonder, “What are the origins of that word anyway?” Well let me tell you, its origins lie in the feckless escapades of an ineffectual, 21st century woman named Megen, who was called one night by a walking buddy to go for a ramble. I need to start a new sentence here—this is a long story: her only phone was low on juice due to the fact that 3 weeks prior she began earning the right to combine her name with an adjective that describes all that is fruitless, pointless and powerless when she left her phone charger at a friend’s house who lives 2 hours away. Having laid the groundwork for future events highlighting her inabilities, Megen found she was unable to call the walking friend back: weeks of charging her phone battery in 3 minute increments while making the embarrassingly short journey to work in her car, proved a little fruitless. Grasping at every germ of ingenuity this woman could muster, she ran to her car (wearing her pajamas) in the hopes of calling her friend back while the phone charged in the car. She couldn’t reach walking partner, but she did receive a message intimating she would be met walking en route by this friend. Megen made her way back to her front door only to discover that she had locked herself out. Remembering that she left spare keys with a teenage girl who apartment-sat for her while on vacation, she drove around until she found walking partner. She then informed her that they were going to fetch missing keys, but that walking friend would have to act as key retrieving emissary, as Megen was missing essential supportive undergarment that offers general feminine confidence and all around social acceptance. When they arrived at the domicile housing the keys it was further discovered that all inhabitants were absent. Megen called a mutually good friend of hers and the residents in question; this friend suggested that the door was probably not locked. The door was tried, key hooks were found and she left in possession of her own keys. May I humbly submit that this is a story of monumental ineffectualness deserving of a new kind of synonym of at least slang equivalency. Therefore:

meg⋅ef⋅fec⋅tu⋅al [meg-i-fek-choo-uh l]–adjective

1. colossally ineffectual; without major satisfactory or decisive effect: a megeffectual solution.

2. monumentally unavailing; desperately futile: His efforts to find a job were megeffectual.

3. completely powerless.

Origin: 2008–2009; late postmodern; see Megen-, ineffectual
Related forms: meg⋅ef⋅fec⋅tu⋅al⋅i⋅ty, meg⋅ef⋅fec⋅tu⋅al⋅ness, noun
meg⋅ef⋅fec⋅tu⋅al⋅ly, adverb

Synonyms: ineffective, fruitless, pointless, feckless. See useless. feeble, weak.